it’s one of those days; part 1

it’s not just one of those days; apparently, this has been going on nearly everyday for the past, what, 6 months?

for nearly 8 months or so, i’ve been working at a children development center in one of the elite parts of the city. i say elite coz basically it kinda is; the area itself is about elite as can be, everything is near potentially pricey; almost everyday going to work, whether by train or driving, i feel like Dan Humphrey or Vanessa Abrams wading through and dealing with the crowd of the Upper East Side. maybe more Vanessa than Dan tho.

at least i don’t have to deal with people like Blair Waldorf. or maybe i haven’t, yet.

(by now you can guess what sort of shows i like to binge-watch)

anyway. i realize that my job gives me one or two reasons to stay for another few months to make up a year but, in return, gives me more than ten reasons to quickly up and leave and find something else, something more suited for me. it’s been mentally, physically, and emotionally draining, and i’m not sure if i can hang on for another month let alone a whole year. it does have some perks tho. among other things, i guess it makes me happy to see that some of the kids there like having me around.

to be honest, i have temper issues and some things can get me aggravated pretty quick. so this job also often, if not constantly, tests my patience, especially if i have to deal with older kids. call me old-fashioned, but i guess it irks me to see some kids getting away with being spoiled and just being total brats coz i remember how i wasn’t brought up like that. like my mom even commented about kids these days being near unruly and always throw tantrums, “last i remember, you and your sisters didn’t act up like this at all, you all were just fine and behaving well”.

corporal punishment used to be a thing in my time, and at some point, maybe it should be a thing again now, coz i tend to see lots of youngsters nowadays can’t even deal with sitting on hot tarred assembly grounds at school like damn kid, you’re weak as heck. i went through passing out in heavy uniform and i was even slightly proud of that. you ain’t got nothin on me, yo.

anyway, i digress.

this job is so draining, i go back home every night, tired and almost unmotivated to do anything, even the things i like. i used to roleplay a lot, now i can’t even be bothered to write one post of anything at all. it’s kinda sad. i can’t even have proper social lives now, and the sad part is, some of the times i get to socialize is at conventions. i can’t even work on any of my planned cosplays (yes, i do cosplays, even tho casually). trying to apply for a leave, any leave, is always a constant challenge and frankly i realize that i really, really don’t like working on weekends anymore.

i really hope that i can get out of this slump and maybe find something worthwhile, while also being able to have weekend commitment with my family and friends, and myself. right now everything is a struggle for me in a lot of sense, and with my constantly hurting left heel, i’m not surprised if i have to resign sooner than planned. i need to get fit again, but definitely not because of my job anymore.

here’s to hoping i can get something done and get myself out of this soon.


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